I pushed Jason away, kneeling and begging
him in the same manner he’d begged me.
“I won’t go to the landfill again, I swear, I
swear!”
I pulled at his sleeve and smiled. “Jason,
Jason, believe me, I won’t go, please forgive
<
me, don’t send anyone to help me, I know, the
landfill is dangerous.”
Jason’s tears threatened to fall again. He
remembered the past five years, before the
misunderstandings and torture. I used to cling
to him and act cute.
I worked hard in design, often working late
and missing dates.
Jason would get angry, and I’d plead for
forgiveness, promising not to miss another
date, calling his name, begging for his mercy.
Jason thought it was all an act, that missing
dates didn’t matter, but he’d pretend to be
angry to control me.
But seeing those puppy–dog eyes, he’d
become angry yet reluctant to scold me.
When had those pitiful calls found their way
into his heart?
Jason lifted his head, wiping his tears, then
took my hand
Jason lifted his head, wiping his tears, then took my hand.
“We won’t go to the landfill. I didn’t throw
your mother’s ashes away; I buried them at the cemetery.”
I stared at him, confused, my eyes reddening. “You’re lying, why would you lie? I said I wouldn’t go to the landfill.”
Jason avoided my gaze.
Why? he thought.
It was his malice, his inability to let me go or
overcome the issue with my mother and his
sister.
He thought if I stopped thinking about my
mother, he could be at peace.
But seeing me calling for my mother in my
sleep, he couldn’t bear it and buried her.
As long as I didn’t know, it would be fine.
Jason’s voice was strained. “I’m not lying. It’s
in the plot you chose, I’ll take you there.”
<
At the cemetery, I didn’t know how to react. My brain was still processing everything.
Seeing my mother’s familiar, gentle smile on the headstone, I sobbed uncontrollably.
It was like childhood, crying to my mother after being bullied.
“Mom, I hurt so much.”
“Mommy, why don’t you come to my dreams
and hug me? Hug me, and it won’t hurt
anymore.”
Jason watched from afar as I pressed my
face against the headstone. He felt my tears
in his heart.
Each word of pain felt like a needle, piercing
his heart repeatedly, almost suffocating him.
He wondered if by suffering the pain himself,
I’d hurt less.
When I cried myself out, I looked at Jason.
“You buried my mother. What other
atonement do you think I need?”
<
My question was sincere, and Jason offered a
sad smile.
I spent a long time recovering in the hospital.
My wounds almost healed, but my habits
remained.
I couldn’t refuse.
At every meal, I buried my face in my food. Whenever Jason lifted his hand, I thought
he’d stab me, and I’d offer my thigh.
Each time, his face crumbled.
He could only comfort me repeatedly.
“Sherry, no one will hurt you, they hurt me
too. I swear, you’re safe.”
He stayed outside my room at night, listening to my pained cries and nightmares. He would
bite his lip and cry silently.
He got me a therapist. I couldn’t refuse, so I
complied.
But instead of a therapist, Jason’s sister
came into my room, pushing a wheelchair.
Seeing her, my heart pounded.
I feared she’d scold and resent my mother.
My mind went blank. I covered my head.
“I’m sorry, if it’s true, I apologize on behalf of
my mother.”
“It was my fault, my fault.”
Before she could speak, Jason entered,
soothingly patting my back.
“Sherry, it’s not your fault. You don’t need to
apologize.”
Vivian looked at us, her expression
complicated. “Brother, what did you do to
her? Why is she like this?”
“Sister–in–law, don’t be nervous. Actually,
everything…”
Jason interrupted her.
“Vivian, don’t say it!”
He begged Vivian, “Brother, please don’t say
it, don’t say it.”
Vivian’s expression was complex, but seeing
her brother’s state, she remained silent and
left.
Seeing Vivian, the victim, my nightmares.
intensified.
If my mother was the perpetrator, how could I
bear the victim’s anger and resentment?
In my dreams, Vivian and Jason surrounded
me, cursing my mother, saying she deserved
to die, condemning me to eternal suffering.
I couldn’t sleep. My mind was a jumbled
mess.
I decided to take a bath.
I forgot to turn off the water and fell asleep in
the tub.
The water rose to my nose and mouth, yet I
felt little discomfort.
Until Jason frantically pulled me out.
“Sherry, what are you doing?!”
I shrank back, apologizing.
“I’m sorry, I really am. I wanted to bathe, but I
<
forgot to turn off the water.”
“I didn’t mean to, please don’t hit me.”
Jason’s tense hands fell, and I pulled at his
pajamas and begged.
“I had a nightmare, I dreamt about my mother,
she wasn’t like that!”
“Please, investigate her former students; they
must know. Please, please.”
Jason couldn’t meet my gaze.
He already knew the truth but couldn’t tell
- me. He knew that telling me would end
everything.
He was selfish, terrified of revealing the truth. Since his sister’s visit, he’d been terrified,
haunted by the image of me knowing the
truth.
But seeing my pleading gaze, he painfully
nodded. “Okay.“.
I thanked him profusely.
But Jason’s face grew more pained
<
Duɩ
DUL Jason s race grew more paineu.
I questioned him daily, but got no answers.
I started doubting if my mother had done
something, even though she was a good mother in my heart.
I grew despairing and lost my appetite.
I became emaciated.
Jason wasn’t doing much better. He was
worried but couldn’t tell me the truth.
His anxiety consumed him until he avoided a
sharp turn while driving.
He got in a car accident and broke his leg.
He had a cast and had to work from home,
his gaze constantly on me.
I was irritated by his stare.
I thought he was wondering how I could
atone.
But I didn’t know how.
I wondered what to do.
I wished I could ask my mom.
Mem
Mom.
Mom, tell me.
I kept thinking it, and I seemed to see my
mother.
She smiled gently.
“My dear, are you facing a problem? Tell your mommy.”
I instinctively walked towards her.
But a heart–wrenching cry stopped me. “Sherry!”
A force pushed me to the ground. When I
came to, my mother was gone.
It was the third–floor balcony.
Jason had pushed me too hard and fell
himself.
He lay on the grass, unconscious or awake.
Jason was hospitalized. The fall had caused a
concussion and worsened his leg injury.
Doctors said he’d have lasting effects. His
right leg might never fully recover.
く
I nervously chewed my nails.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”
“I saw my mother, I wanted to ask her if it
was true, how to apologize to you.”
“Don’t be angry, you can hit me to vent.”
Jason offered a pained smile. He couldn’t
bear to see me like this.
He’d hurt me so much. He deserved to die.
“Sherry, let’s divorce.”
“Your mother never hurt my sister. She told
me everything. I just didn’t tell you.”
I stopped chewing my nails. When I
understood, my body went limp.
“Jason, you’re not lying, are you?”
Jason shed a few tears, his lips opening and
closing, but no words came out.
His sister appeared.
“Sherry, it’s true. Your mother never hurt me.
I was sick and confused things, and involved
you.”
<
His sister appeared.
“Sherry, it’s true. Your mother never hurt me.
I was sick and confused things, and involved
you.”
I covered my face, gasping for air.
“Okay, Jason. We should never see each other again.”
I left the room, leaving only his heartbroken
gasps behind.
Jason stared at where I’d been.
He wanted to vomit, to scream, but he
couldn’t.
On a warm summer day, his lover vanished.
His summer was gone forever.
[The End]
