Chapter22
“Sooooo…“, I decided to start a somewhat girly conversation and gave Lena a teasing smile. “Is there someone special on the horizon?” I thought Lena would laugh and joke, as she usually does in every situation, but much to my surprise a slight blush appeared on her cheeks.
“No, I’m waiting for my mate…“, she said quietly. My teasing smile turned into a gentle one, it was a familiar intention to me, to wait for your one and only.
“Oh, Jonathan and Shirley mentioned something about mates, I gathered it’s like a prince charming or something“, I encouraged her to explain. Lena didn’t disappoint me and started talking.
“Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that. A mate is not just the prince charming, it’s so much more. We, wolfs, are pretty serious about mates, hell, half of the town are virgins for that reason!“, she whisper yelled the last part, because obviously talking about things as intimate as your “V” was a bit embarrassing.
“Really?!” I replied amazed. And I truly was. Even though I was raised as a perfect example of a good girl with saving my self for my future husband, not everyone in our town followed the rules of god, if you must call it that. No one spoke about having sex, but everyone did that. Except for me. See where it got me?
The blush on Lena’s face increased, but she continued talking:
“Yeah. I mean why not? Our wolfs would get crazy just from the thought of another male or female’s touch on our mate, even if it was in the past. The idea of a mate is treated with respect and it’s only logical to be pure, all in all being with your moon goddess chosen mate is the best feeling a wolf can experience! As they say, the connection of your souls is pure bliss and the sex, I can only imagine the intensity and the passion…” I laughed at that last statement, because her facial expression became dreamy as she rose her eyes to the ceiling and she has bit her lower lip as if having a kinky fantasy.
“I understand the idea of saving yourself, that’s how I was raised.“, I agreed with her with a small smile. “Didn’t work out for me, as you can see“, I said pointing at my stomach with a sarcastic grin. Her eyes traveled back to me and she became serious.
“So, if we’re talking, what happened to the daddy?”
I didn’t really know what to say to her. I know that I was the one who initiated this conversation, although my last statement slipped out by accident. I guess somewhere deep inside I knew, that it would be good to share my ocean of despair with someone, who might believe me and comfort me, but I was also scared. I was scared to see pity in her eyes, or for her to become disappointed in me. I was weak and stupid. If I were more clever and cautious, nothing would happen that night. If I were stronger and knew how to defend myself, nothing would happen. I guess I bought it upon myself. I
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should have been better.
“Let’s just say, things didn’t went as planned and he is not in the picture now and hopefully never,
ok?” I said quietly. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my baby, but I wish I could get married and be as I
were supposed to be and live happily ever after.” My eyes watered a bit and I averted my gaze to the window, staring through the people that lazily wondered in the streets of the melting town. I felt Lena putting her hand on top of mine, and I turned my head towards her. Her eyes held sympathy
but also love?
“Well, you can’t do anything now, so what’s the point in dwelling on the past? You’ll have a
wonderful baby, and I’m sure, you’ll find someone, who’ll love you and your child.” she said to me,
and I saw, that she believed in her own words.
“Lena thank you, but I’m not even sure, if I want a man in my life. And even if I did, I live in a town
full of were’s, that all live for their mate and I don’t really fit in to this picture. I realize, that it I
stay, it will be me and the little one, and believe it or not, I’m ok with that.”
She looked at me confused, but didn’t say a word to persuade me in something opposite of what I
have chosen for myself. I get that accepting a life of loneliness sounds crazy, but in reality the
thought of a man touching me in THAT was was repulsive to me. My rational side understood that it was instinctual reaction, that not every man was bad and so on, but my body… my body
remembered everything. That is not something that goes away easily.
“Let’s change the topic?“, I said with a small smile and than clapped my hands to my knees in fake
excitement. “Anyway…” I changed the topic to something less meaningful, but my mind stayed on
this mate thing – boy, were they lucky… I doubt that humans had this kind of love, and considering
what I have witnessed in Jonathan and Shirley’s relationships, I doubt I would ever stumble on
something like that. A ping of jealousy struck my heart and as much as I tried to shrug it off, I
couldn’t.
Chapter22
