Chapter 9
I clutched the corner of my clothes, opened my mouth, stared blankly, but unable to say a single word.
Dad held me, letting out quiet sobs.
“Daddy knows he was wrong. Can you forgive Daddy?”
I stared at him blankly. This time I didn’t nod.
I remembered how I’d desperately tried to explain before that I didn’t steal anything.
If I had admitted to it, would Dad have forgiven me?
He would only think I was shameful.
He wouldn’t forgive.
Dad didn’t force me anymore.
He wiped away his tears and said to me, “It’s getting late. Let’s sleep.”
Just like before, he carried me upstairs and tucked me in the blanket corners.
But in the past when Mom saw I couldn’t sleep, she would tell me little stories.
Dad wouldn’t.
The next day, strong winds picked up.
Dad took me and my brothers to the amusement park.
My body felt like it would be blown away by the wind again.
The carousel I used to want to ride so badly-
I had no interest in it now.
Dad asked me, and I could only shake my head.
“What if Daddy holds you while we ride? Would you like that?”
I shook my head too.
Watching other children giggle and laugh,
I tried to smile but couldn’t.
I realized I was different from those other children now.
Before, I used to want Dad and my brothers to be like other families‘ parents.
On rainy days, they would hold their children in their arms so they wouldn’t get wet.
In winter, they would put ugly raincoats over the children’s jackets.
Not like my brothers, who would just leave me behind.
16:19
Mom I Became Good, Could You Love Me Now?
80.0%
Chapter 9
Now. I didn’t want anything anymore.
No toys, no snacks, no food.
Even Mom–I didn’t want her either.
But they then began to give me everything?
I thought it was strange.
Strange in a way I couldn’t understand no matter how hard I tried.
I threw up again, vomiting lots of yellow liquid.
Dad held my listless body and drove my brothers to a faraway place.
From far away, I could see Mom wearing sunglasses.
There were many people around.
But the moment I saw Mom, I came alive.
I jumped down and threw myself into Mom’s arms.
Tears fell from under her sunglasses, landing on my face.
I pounded on Mom desperately.
“You didn’t want me anymore…”
I screamed, and many people around us pulling suitcases stopped to look at me.
“You didn’t want me!”
I finally made a sound, though my voice was ugly, like an ugly duckling shrieking.
Mom cried tears of joy and picked me up.
“Little crybaby, still such a crybaby.”
“Mommy was wrong. I knew I was wrong.”
She kept cooing to me softly.
Finally, when I seemed better, she walked a few steps forward to talk to Dad.
“Christopher, if you hadn’t forced me to stay by your side, I wouldn’t have left her behind. For Claire’s health, I hope you’ll never come looking for me again.”
“Even if you don’t bring her, I’ll come get her.”
“Because you don’t deserve to have Claire.”
Dad looked sad. “Vivian. You know everything?”
My three brothers cried and called for Mom.
But Mom walked away without looking back.
16:19
Mom I Became Good, Could You Love Me Now?
83.3%
Chapter 9
She only took me with her.
Throughout the journey I slept and woke, woke and slept, always clutching Mom’s clothes and refusing to let go.
Every time I opened my eyes, I checked if Mom was still there.
I fell asleep again, but Mom wasn’t there.
I cried in fear.
The next moment Mom came from behind.
I rushed to hug her.
“Is Mommy not going to want me again?”
Mom smiled softly, very beautifully. “Do you know why you’re called Claire?”
“Claire means ‘bright and clear.‘ I named you hoping you’d be brilliant and pure. How could I not want you?”
“But my brothers said they’d rather I not be their sister.”
Mom’s eyes lowered.
“It’s all Mommy’s fault. I should have taken you with me.”
“But Daddy wouldn’t have let us go.”
“Claire, you can talk. Mommy is so happy.”
I held Mom tight, smelling her familiar scent, finally feeling safe enough to sleep again.
It felt like I was catching up on all the sleep I’d missed these past two years.
This time there were no nightmares.
