Books Chapter55
“Stay here. I’ll get some clothes “He’s firm with his command.
The party tables have already been put away, everything cleaned up nicely like there was never a party here to begin with.
The music sounds soothing against the wolf’s ears as she throws her head back and howls her music along with the lyrics. The singing stops, and now people are laughing. She doesn’t like the tone of the laughter. She doesn’t like the way they are laughing at her. She takes a step toward them with a growl, raising her ridge of fur.
“Rya.” Dallas is behind us with a blanket stretched out in front of him. The wolf turns a fang his way, but he’s quick, grabbing her ear
and pinching hard.
“Don’t ever do that again.” He holds the wolf there as she whines a sorry plea to him. She heels up to him with her tail tucked so far under her body I don’t knowhow she’s going to take it out.
“Shift.” Without hesitation, she lets me ascend to break the cocoon of fur.
He wraps the blanket around me, handing me the clothes he brought.
“You can change in the house.” He leads me away from the laughing people. I bristle toward them slightly.
“You change. I’ll go have a talk with them for you. The bathroom is the first room on the right.” He turns from me as he walks with tight
fists toward his brothers and the females.
After getting changed, I can smell his room. His scent is so thick and powerful coming from that space that I open the door, taking a peek inside.
What greets me is something I don’t want to see.
Looking around the room, I see pictures of them. Her eyes are always looking at him. They are always on his face while he smiles at the camera. Arms circling around waists and necks, lips touching cheeks. This is a shrine, and I’m standing at the altar.
A simple picture grabs my eye on his dresser. Everyone always looks better in black and white, untouched by colors. You can notice every inch of them in more depth, except the eyes. I like how eye colors are hidden. My eyes in this kind of picture always look pure white. She’s looking into the camera without a smile, just staring as if she were preparing for this moment. Her looking at me, while I’m staring back at her. We have a silent moment together. A future looking on the past.
I sink into myself. I have never been up on anyone’s wall, on their nightstand, in their wallets, on their phones. Everything he’s done he has done first before me. I get the second round. Maybe I’m meant to be the B–side, the last thought in someone’s mind. Never really an option until plan A fails.
Another picture catches my eyes. A big heart is drawn in the sand, and their shadows are holding hands. Inside the heart is written C
M
“You shouldn’t be in here.” Dallas steps into his room.
He’s looking around at what I’m seeing, Something inside me breaks a little. I have a lot of questions at the moment.
I notice that there are brown cardboard boxes on the ground, pictures of them lining the bottom of them. It looks like he was in the process of putting her away in the closet.
I hit my hand on the dresser. I hit the other hand, causing my palmis to go red.
I’m his B–side, the bottom row, the discounted item that no one really wants. I will always be this, no matter what. No matter who I meet, I will always be second best, the second choice, because I will never be anyone’s first choice.
“Would you have ever not called her for a week? Would you have ever not talked to her for a day?” I ask. He looks away, guilty.
“I just want to know. It’s just something I’m wondering about.” let my eye linger on their pure love, their happy love.
“Thank you.” I walk out of the bedroom, out the door, and head to my car.
“Where are you going?” Dallas walks beside me, trying to touch my arm, but I won’t let him.
apki Chefer
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“Home” Opening my door, I get in, but he won’t let me close it. “Are you mad because I didn’t call you?”
“I’m mad at everything, I guess. I just want to be a thought in someone’s head. A first thought, when you wake up in the morning. The last thought when you go to bed at night. I guess I just want to be a something other than what I am. I try to close the door again.
“Rya.”
“It’s okay, really..it’s okay. I should be used to this by now. After all this time, I should expect this.”
my name again.
“Rya.” He says my
“Am I your first thought in the morning, Dallas? Do you think about me first?” This is going to hurt. I brace myself for it, holding the steering wheel tight in my grip.
“No.” The tone of his voice is low, trying not to hurt my feelings.
“You were my first thought in the morning. You’re what I think about when I wake up. I wish we were on my wall together like all those pictures you have up. I wish I just had one. Just one. Is that asking too much to want that?I tried to call you, left messages, but I guess I’m just not a thought that crosses your mind.” I can’t cry anymore; I can’t feel. It’s like I’ve been blessed with a blissful numbness
ΠΟΛ.
Rya, it’s not like that.” His hand goes up, trying to touch my cheek. I just flinch away.
“I need to go. Tell your brother and mother to stay away. I don’t want any of your family over at my house. It’s the only thing I have that is mine, and even that is a hand–me–down.” My voice remains monotone. I can’t care anymore. “I have to go. Goodbye, Dallas.” I can feel his emotions swirling inside him; he’s afraid. The top of the food chain is afraid.
“Don’t go. I was caught up in myself. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I felt disgusted with myself, with this whole situation. I just wasn’t prepared for it, to have her completely leave me. I thought I was, but when it happened, I wasn’t prepared how it left me feeling.” He’s gripping the side of the door, kneeling beside my seat on the ground. His knees will be stained; everyone will be able to see that he has been on his knees for something.
“You made it very clear what you felt that night, the rest of the week. I felt everything you felt–the anger, the disgust, the grief, the pain–every single thing. You made sure I felt it, didn’t you? You wanted me to hurt like you did. I’m so sorry she did that. It wasn’t my intention. I never meant to take your choice away.”
“Ijust couldn’t come around you. I would have taken your choice away from you. I want you to be with me because you want to, not because I forced you to be. That’s why. I couldn’t deal with everything happening all at once.”
“You could have called me, said something to me. Anything is better than nothing. Do you think I deserve nothing, Dallas?” He bangs his fist on the steel body of the car. Why do the things I own get dented, destroyed by others?
Why dol allow my belongings, myself, to get destroyed while Isit back and just watch, being a spectator at my own destruction?
