Chapter 16
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The night Nolan and I landed in Vlaufield and finished his hospital admission-
Maybe it was just being in a foreign place, but a quiet unease settled deep in my chest.
I lay on the narrow companion bed in his hospital room, and for the first time in days, I had that nightmare again.
I was trapped under rubble. My parents‘ gentle voices echoed in my ears–they came from a recording I’d heard a thousand times before.
Then suddenly, blood.
Bright red, winding like a serpent, seeping out from under the debris. Slow, menacing, creeping across my feet.
It was thick. Endless. Drenched in panic.
In the next instant, I saw two
Odies being pulled from the ruins.
Then Charley’s voice–hysterical, raw. “Erma, why wasn’t it you who died?”
And then came the vision of my parents, covered in blood, looking at me–heartbroken, disappointed.
“Erma… why did you stay home that day? Why did you get us killed?”
“Weren’t we good enough to you?”
“Why, Erma… why?”
I jolted awake.
The room was silent, except for the steady beeping of medical monitors–each beep unnervingly loud in the quiet.
Just like so many nights before, I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed, staring out the window.
Wondering, not for the first time, why I was still alive.
Why I survived.
Nolan lay sound asleep in the hospital bed beside me.
With his transplant surgery drawing closer, he needed every bit of rest–every ounce of peace he could get.
This was the most critical stretch. I was supposed to be here for him.
That was the promise.
But the darker part of me–the one I thought I had buried–was stirring again.
I couldn’t stop myself. I left the room.
Vlaufield’s winter air was just as bitter. Just as brutal.
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I made my way up to the rooftop. The wind wrapped around me like it recognized me.
It pulled at me, coaxed me, lured me toward the edge.
Just jump, it whispered. One step, and you’ll see your parents again.
You can apologize. Atone. And this endless pain will finally stop.
I reached the edge. My hands gripped the icy metal railing. I reached into the fog, thick and bottomless below me.
For one terrifying moment–I lost control. I lifted my foot. Started to climb over.
Then–A gentle voice behind me. “Erma.”
That voice inside me–that twisted, vicious thing–fled like a thief caught in the act.
My mind snapped back. I turned.
He was standing a little ways off.
Nolan didn’t rush toward me. He just stood there calmly, voice light.
“Looking at the stars?
“The nurse said there’s a form that needs a family member’s signature.
“And, well… you know I don’t have any family. So, sorry, but I’ve got to trouble you again.”
He was lying.
It was past three in the morning. Only the night nurse was on duty.
But he said it anyway: I don’t have family anymore.
The heart transplant was coming. It might be his only shot at survival.
He looked at me for a long moment. Then, his voice rose slightly–just enough to carry through the wind.
“Hey… I made you a promise.
“After the surgery, once it’s over–I’ll live. Really live.
“So you….”
The wind tugged at his coat. Blew his hair across his forehead.
And just like that, I remembered the first time I met him.
How he brought me home, then lied and said he had to go buy groceries.
He didn’t.
He went to the river. But in the end, he still came back–with fish–and walked back through the door with me.
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Now we stood on opposite ends of the rooftop, separated by cold wind and the quiet weight of the night.
Staring at each other in silence–for a very, very long time. After a long pause, I heard him call out again–his voice louder, almost playful.
“Hey, Erma, we had a deal, remember?
“We said we’d live well–together. Living by myself? That sounds pretty boring.”
And just like that, the tears came.
The wind on the rooftop whisked them away. My hair clung to my face, then lifted again with the breeze.
I looked at him and smiled. “I really did just come up to look at the stars. Too bad I forgot the weather’s awful tonight- couldn’t see a thing.”
Nolan stepped toward me, closing the distance.
When he reached me, he held out his hand. “Come down,” he said softly. “Let me help you.”
I froze.
That was when I realized–I was standing on the highest point of the rooftop.
It was a raised platform.
The only part without a railing.
One more step, and I would’ve disappeared into the fog, straight into the void.
I looked at his hand. The back of it was dotted with faint bruises, the kind left behind by IV needles.
Near his wrist, a small spot where the blood had just dried.
He must’ve yanked out the IV the moment he came looking for me.
I stared at it for a beat, then reached out and took his hand.
He immediately wrapped his other arm around my waist and lifted me down from the ledge.
He held me close–firm and fast, but gentle.
I heard his voice next to my ear, low and trembling but steady.
“Erma… we’re both going to live. Okay?”
After that night, for several nights in a row, the nightmares didn’t come back.
Nolan bought the house. Signed all the paperwork.
Sitting up in bed one afternoon, he pulled up photos on his phone and showed me.
“This bedroom’s yours,” he said. “We’ll add a little terrace.
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“So when you open the door, you’ll see the beach and the sea.”
There was a quiet light in his eyes–like stars blinking in a dark sky.
I thought, once his surgery was over, I probably wouldn’t stay with him.
I’d find my own place. Get a job.
But in that moment, I couldn’t bring myself to say no. So I nodded. “Okay.”
Nolan’s face lit up.
Then he told me how, when his younger sister was still alive, she used to dream about coming to Vlaufield.
The midnight sun. The northern lights. Fifteen thousand miles of coastline. The “Vlaufield Wood” from the novels.
His voice grew soft with longing. “After the surgery, let’s stay here for a few years.
“Travel around. Take it all in. Would you… come with me?”
He’d only been in Vlaufield a few days, but he already looked paler.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. “Yeah.”
Then, almost apologetically, he added, “If there’s somewhere you’d rather go, I can go with you too. Maybe we could…”
He cut himself off with a quiet cough.
His face flushed slightly–maybe from discomfort.
The rest of the sentence never came.
I responded gently, “Yeah. There are a lot of places I want to see.
“After your surgery, I’ll tell you all about them.”
Nolan smiled. “Deal.”
That night, he started throwing up again.
Even the tiniest bit of food wouldn’t stay down. Afterward, he coughed up blood.
This time–it wasn’t just streaks. It looked like he was vomiting blood.
And I had a sinking feeling–if the transplant didn’t happen soon, he wouldn’t make it much longer.
Then suddenly, the hospital room door flew open. Marlin rushed in, breathless.
“The donor just passed.
“We’re going into surgery now. Prep the OR–get him ready for the transplant!”
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