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Booki Chapter12
Somebody
Grey clouds hide the sun’s light, and an eeriestillness settles around the lake. Even the birds are silent. Growling thunder gives its warning that a raucous storm is about to be released.
Instead of walking,I decide to take the car, not trusting that I can make it to the clinic before the rain comes.
The wind starts to rustle the leaves of the trees as Ireach the clinic. The first few fat drops of rain hit my face before I walk through the front door. I feel my cheeks redden with the embarrassment of yesterday’s loss of control.
Aurora is there sipping a morning tea, the hot vapor of the steam hitting her face as she peers down into the cup. She looks up at me with eyes that see into me, not at me. Into me.
“You’re a mess.” Looking down at myself, I thought I looked presentable today, nice and tidy. Professional in every aspect. Touching my hair, I wonder if it has come out of its braid.
“Rya, what happened yesterday—”
“Aurora, it’s okay. It won’t happen again. I just lost control for a second. It was the first time I’ve seen him since I’ve been back. I’ll be more prepared next time. I’ll have better control.” I try to say this so calmly as if this is true.
“I think we need to schedule some time to talk, just you and me. I know you’re a lot sicker than you think. You can’t see it, but I can. Your mind is not well. Your body is so healthy, but your mind needs help. I will help you. Just like you can help those pregnant females with their births, I can help you. Let me help you, Rya.“/
I wasn’t expecting this first thing in the morning; my legs are glued to my spot. Eyes of light green stare at me, waiting for something to come out of my mouth. A flash of light from the window, followed by a loud boom that feels as if it’s inside the room, makes me jump slightly. The lights flicker on and off before staying on.
“The first step, Rya, is admitting you need help. Nothing is shameful in needing help. What’s shameful is you living your life the way you are. Your potential is limitless. The moon has blessed you. It’s my job now to help you see this.” The first stray tear leaks out.
“Where were you when I was a juvenile? Where were you?” I accuse her. She could have helped me then.
“Sometimes good people are meant to suffer. You learn from it, grow from it, become better from it. Now the suffering needs to stop before it eats you and you can’t come back from it.” Another flash of lightning lights the inside of the clinic.
“The first thing is to admit you’re not fine. That’s the first thing you need to do. Tell me, Rya, how are you?” She holds my eyes with hers, waiting. The storm is raging outside, shaking the earth with its violence. Trees‘ limbs bend back and forth, and hard rain beats against the windows.
She’s right. If I really look at myself, she’s right. I just don’t knowhow to help myself anymore. I want to feel something other than this. I want to be able Lo just move on with my life,…to be free of this suffocation, the constriction around my life that has been devouring me like a snake, slowly, little by little.
“I’m not fine.” That’s all I say, nothing more. I can’t say anything else. Getting up from her spot, she pulls me into a hug. Her cheek presses against mine. She holds me to her for just a minute as the brutal power of nature unleashes the Wild.
We stand together until the fury of the storm subsides. It leaves faster than it came.
“Good, that’s all for today,” she whispers in my ear and pats me on my back. She releases me, stepping away. I don’t feel any different, but I know that this may be my beginning
Looking over my charts for the day in my office,I see only two females will be here. Then I will make my rounds to the two new mothers, just to make sure they really are doing well.
A tap on the door reveals Dallas looking down at me. He stares at my eyes again before he catches himself, pulling his gaze away and looking at the picture 1 put on the wall of the first young one that I delivered in my pack. I feel proud of this fact. Soon, I hope to have my office lined with little newborn faces.
“How are you doing?1 stopped by your place yesterday. I knocked, but I guess maybe you were out for a run?” He doesn’t come completely into my office, just lingers outside the door with a soft expression on his face. Maybe he’s waiting for me to invite him in.
“I’m sorry, I was bome. I just didn’t want to talk to anyone. I’m really embarrassed at how I behaved. It was difficult for me. Thank you for stopping by. That was face of you” After getting home from the barbecue, locking the doors, making sure no lights were on, I just sat at the edge of the bed, balling the covers in my hands. Staring at the whitewall, cursed myself to the moon. If I was only better, if I was more, I wallowed in my own pity party. The khoring started all different types of knocking. I could smell my parents; I could smell my sisters. I knew that the Alpha and Lama were at my door. Even Gota came. I just stayed in my room with the daylight fading from the sky, until nothing but darkness could be seen through my window.
