[To my precious Candice. I will love you forever. Painted in 2019.]
That was the year after Candice was born.
Five years later, ten–year–old Candice was flipping through an old photo album when she suddenly asked, “Daddy, why are there so few pictures of me and Mommy?”
Bowen froze for a moment. “Because….Mommy was always really busy.”
“Oh.” Candice kept turning the pages. “Then why is Mommy always smiling at me in every photo?”
“Because she loved you,” Bowen said quietly.
“But Mommy Yvonne used to say…” Candice’s voice trailed off. She no longer liked to mention Yvonne, the woman in prison who had once claimed to
love her.
That night, Candice had a dream. A woman appeared in it, smiling gently as she said, “I love you, always and forever.”
When she woke up, her pillow was soaked with tears.
On her 18th birthday, Candice finally read Kathleen’s letter.
Kathleen had written down every little detail about her birth, the first time Candice called her Mommy, and all the moments of warmth and joy Candice might not have remembered.
At the end of the letter, it read:
[My dearest Candice, I will have been gone for a long time when you read this letter. I don’t know if you’ll still remember me or if you still hate me. But I want you to know that I’ll never stop loving you, not even for a moment. Everything I’m doing now is to help you to have a better life. Forgive me for being selfish and choosing to leave this way. Please believe that if I had a choice, I would trade everything for the chance to watch you grow up.
Love, Mommy.]
Candice cried all night long. The next day, she went to Kathleen’s grave and, with genuine sincerity for the first time, said, “Mom, I’m sorry.”
However, some words came too late, and some love was understood far too late.
Just like Kathleen had once predicted–everyone got what they wanted: a perfect and well–behaved Kathleen.
However, the price they had to pay was to lose her forever.
