Chapter53
And this time she didn’t pulled away.
It was the fourth weekend and I crept upstairs, hoping to continue our conversations. But as I entered the room, I was met with a sight that made my heart sink – Leona was asleep, her gentle breathing a testament to her exhaustion. I felt a pang of pain, thinking that we might not talk today, that this weekend would be a missed opportunity to continue our journey towards healing and redemption. I hesitated, wondering if I should wake her, but something held me back.
Instead, I stood beside her sleeping form, drinking in the gentle rise and fall of her chest. My beautiful, strong, and devoted wife, who had always asked for so little – just my unwavering love and loyalty. The same two things I’d failed to give her. My eyes welled up as I bit my lip, fighting
back tears. What have I done to her?
Her infectious laughter, once a melody that filled our home, had faded into the background, reserved now for our daughter’s benefit. Her witty remarks and playful scolding, silenced. Her eyes, once bright and vibrant, now empty and haunting. Two years of pain caused by neglect had taken its toll on her physical form, too. She’d lost so much weight that some bones protruded, highlighted my list of failures.
I felt like I’d drained the life from her, leaving behind a fragile, worn shell of the woman I once adored. My gaze traced the contours of her face, and I mourned the loss of the radiant smile that once captivated me. How could I have let this happen? How could I have broken her so completely?
To escape the sobs buliding inside me I rushed to shower, but as I exited, I was surprised to see Leona bustling around the kitchen, heating up food on the stove.
“Fuck!” I muttered to myself, feeling a mix of emotions. Had I inadvertently woken her up? I hadn’t meant to disturb her, and now I felt a twinge of guilt for possibly robbing her of much–needed rest. Yet, as I took in the scene before me, I couldn’t help but feel a spark of hope
Maybe, just maybe, this was a sign that she was willing to push through her exhaustion, to continue our conversations, and to work towards healing together. I approached her quietly, not wanting to startle her, and asked, “Hey, did I wake you up?
“I’m sorry, I tried to be quite?” I apologised. Leo smiled softly, her eyes crinkling at the corners, as
she shook her head.
“No, it’s fine,” she said, her voice gentle.
“No, I was waiting for you,” she explained, her voice barely above a whisper. “I might’ve drifted off for a bit, but I wasn’t that deep asleep. I just dozed off.” Her hair was still somewhat wet, and the familiar scent of her shampoo wafted through the air, a bittersweet reminder of the intimacy we once shared. I nodded, my eyes fixed on her, as I struggled with the ache of longing. I hated that I couldn’t touch her like I once had, couldn’t inhale her tantalizing scent, kiss her, or make love to
her.
Chapter53
- 481.
The torture of being so close yet so far was suffocating. As I gazed at her, I realized the depth of my neglect, severity of my selfishness. For almost two years, I’d deprived her of my love, my support, and my presence, leaving her to bear the brunt of my mistakes and care for Willy alone. Any other
oman would have left, but not Leona. Her patience and devotion were a testament to her streng, and I knew I didn’t deserve her. The thought filled me with a deep regret, and I wondered if I could ever make up for lost time, if I could ever regain her trust and her love, and if did would be just as
beautiful?
“Thank you,” I thanked her, meaning it for more than just the dinner all while aching to pull her in my arms and just sleep this nightmare of an life I’ve made out. That was exactly what the topic today, why we lost our physical intimacy. I thought about how much I missed it, how much I missed
her.
As guilt consumed me deeper everyday, my sexual desires wearied leaving me numb. Masturbation offered no relief; I hadn’t even tried. Enough failure already stamp heavily on my conscience.
Yet, paradoxically, those desires would stir to life when I was near Leona, taunting me with what I’d lost. Being close to her ignited a fierce longing, but I was trapped by my own remorse. The ache of wanting her, combined with the fear of rejection, was unbearable. In weaker moments, I wondered: if I made a move, would Leo cave? But I quickly silenced that thought, recalling my promise to respect her boundaries.
I would wait, patiently and painfully, until she gave me a green light. The thought of crossing the line, of potentially driving her further away, was too terrifying to contemplate. So I endured the torture of this proximity.
“You took worn out today are you sure you want to be discussing that stressing conversations, we can just sleep today.” She suggested as she eyes me exhausted self cautiously.
“No! I protested quick and lowly, my voice cracking with emotion.
“I am tried yes, but I need this, please..” I took a step closer, my eyes pleading for understanding. “Can we just continue, I promise I am fine.”
“I think we need to.” She replies earnestly.
We sat down, and as always, I cleared my throat, a nervous habit that betrayed my inner turmoil. 1 felt shitty knowing that I’d brought us to this forced to discuss our relationship in a detached, technical way, devoid of warmth, comfort, or soothing touches, one that is completely normal for a
couple, now we were far from being one.
